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Fear of abandonment: Danger for the couple?

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You doubt yourself. You are constantly in fear of being alone. You have low self-esteem and you are always afraid of being abandoned. Your spouse can no longer reassure you. There is no doubt that you suffer from abandonment syndrome.

What is the fear of abandonment?

The fear of abandonment is an anguish and a psychological suffering. In general, it follows a wound experienced in childhood. It can appear during the first three years of life. The child is aware of his fragility and his inability to live without his parents and especially without his mother. Abandonment syndrome can develop during a separation from the mother from the first hours of birth, as for medical reasons. Later on, the separation can be caused by the arrival of a little brother or sister, the start of a daycare center or a divorce. Then, this fear may be buried deep in his mind and only resurface years later.

Why do we feel this fear of abandonment?

The person subject to the syndrome of fear of abandonment can live years without feeling the slightest disorder. Then, a psychological shock, the death of a loved one, can reactivate this fear. The person said to be abandoned develops anxieties, uneasiness, and a panic fear of being alone. They harass their partner with questions, and keep telling him or her that he or she will soon leave them. She can even develop aggressiveness. This fear is at the origin of many conflicts. If there is no good reason to live in constant fear of being left, the reason for this fear is to be found in the childhood experiences of the person concerned.

What are the consequences of the fear of abandonment in a couple?

In a couple, the fear of abandonment is a very disabling feeling for establishing balanced relationships. The person constantly needs to be reassured. He or she may develop an emotional dependence. They feel helpless, misunderstood and vulnerable. Their spouse is unable to calm them down and suffers from seeing them unhappy all the time. This can lead to a separation. The person in pain lives in fear of disappointing, of annoying and does not realize the harassment he or she is experiencing. Then he or she may become aggressive, jealous and make many unjustified accusations against his or her partner. She may even develop eating disorders and various addictions in order to fill this inner void. This can be fatal for the couple.

How to overcome this fear of abandonment?

This fear of abandonment betrays a lack of self-confidence. The person is unable to assert himself and must work on himself. When the person suffers from the fear of abandonment, it is said that he or she lives outside of himself or herself. They seek love, security and affection from their partner instead of finding it within themselves. It is necessary to know how to go deep inside oneself to find the confidence that allows one to assert oneself and to be respected. The more confident the person is, the less afraid he or she is of losing the love of the other person. Work on emotions and reactions must be put in place. It is wise to consider psychotherapy.

Designing psychotherapy

The fear of abandonment can be explained and clarified during a psychotherapy. The goal of psychotherapy is to free the person from the influence of a buried past. It reveals the link between current emotions and what happened during childhood. Once the cause of the problem has been identified, the person can then try to rationalize the situation. His or her psychotherapist will be there to guide them in their quest for serenity.

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